Freedom to Just Write

Crazy to think of myself as a writer.  Not a tag I would normally apply to myself.  This blog is to prove I don't have to write for others - just for me!  I signed up for a journaling class - thinking that "taking time for me" and expressing myself is a good thing.  Actaully, I recently learned that the value of "influencing others" is very important to me.  So, it all fits together - my becoming a better "me" or the "best version of me possible" makes sense for me to then go out and influence others!  So, this is my private work on myself.  Getting my thoughts on the lcd screen.  Getting my thoughts out in the open.  Revealing my thoughts to myself.

At work I have little patience for people who can not do things for themselves.  I don't want to be the expert on everything, so when folks come to me and ask about their ABA number on their checking account or how many years they have to have on their passport to apply for a 5 year visa, I direct them to another "expert".  I would SO rather empower other people rather than do it for them!  I think they are babies when they don't pick up the phone.  But I have to give them the phone number before I judge them too quickly!  I want to work on doing that with grace.  Don't let it upset me.

My God, I have to wrap my head around my boss' departure.

Random Thoughts

I'm so excited to be starting a new blog.  This one is for me.  My thoughts.  Out loud.  I don't care who reads - it's about my need to express myself.  But why don't I do this privately?  'Cause I'm all about leverage.  I'm all about multiplying my efforts.  I have a creative side and a crazy side and a practical side and an analytical side.  That sums up my life.  At 51 years of age I've lived a lot.  And hopefully have a lot more living to do.  But what I know about life is that "it's not what happens in your life, but how you react to it that matters."  Some people understand that instantly, others will need an explanation.  OK, very positive people can amazingly still see the silver lining in a devastating event.  It might be a survival tactic, but it is their nature.  There's no point of dwelling on the negative.  Thinkers like this are blessed.  But they also have to work at it.  I consider myself in that pool of thinkers.  I proved this to myself after being immobilized by a knee injury last March.  My thoughts were never negative.  How does an active person survive sitting on a couch for 14 days?  I developed acne on my back from lack of showers and at one point managed to get to the 'fridge for food - stuffing my athletic bra with enough food for the next 10 hours or so.  I know, you can't imagine this.  Why not use your hands for carrying the food?  Well, I needed my hands to make up for the loss of the use of one leg.  And oh yeh, a bone in my left hand was broken.

But this story is not about how "bad off" I was, it's about how CREATIVE I got with what I had to work with.  I surprised and even delighted myself with creativity.  It started with being grateful, though.  It's always about attitude and gratefulness.  I was grateful for my family who cared.  I was grateful for good friends that brought me complete meals for my family.  I was grateful for the "rolling re-hab" vehicle that pulled up to the house 10-days post-accident.  (My son's car loaded with my mother's mobile medical devices - including a wheelchair!)  That's when it really struck me....I considered a wheelchair FREEDOM!  Previously, I considered a wheelchair confining.  But after 10 days of scooting on my butt and hobbling around as best I could, I was GRATEFUL for a wheelchair.  I remember a similar epiphany: "Seeing a gray-haired man outside of the Boston hospital at which I was visiting my sick father.  My Dad was old, but this man was older.  I didn't know if my father would make it out of the hospital alive.  And suddenly, I viewed the old man outside the hospital as lucky.  Lucky to be living into such an old age.  I didn't pity the man.  That's such a bad emotion: pity.  Why had I wasted time previously pitying old people?  They are the luck ones.  See, the twist in point of view?  It can be applied to anything I guess.

Well, you can imagine that with the right attitude, anything was then possible for me.  I quickly got myself to physical therapy post-operation - without being able to drive, and without burdening my family or friends.  I can't even believe that I actually was wondering if there was a lift in the elderly van that could get me up the 3 stairs of the van.  So, I went from physical incapacity to forgetting about my major surgery in the span of 10 months.  Truly.  I was seeing a new doctor last month and she asked me how many major surgeries I've had in my life.  I forgot to mention the knee surgery all-together.  But, I haven't forgotten all the lessons I learned during that period of my life.  Thus, it brings me to the title of this blog:  A Red Cardinal.  It's kind of like saying: Live Large.  Live Out Loud.  Don't Hold Back.  Go for it!  Think of how a red cardinal stands out amongst the gray, dingy, stark background of the bare winter trees.  It is breathtaking.  It is seen.  It does NOT blend in.  As I get older and older, I'm not about blending in.  I want to stand out.  I can envision the red cardinal that perched itself at the tippety top of the weeping cherry tree outside my window yesterday.  It did not hide in the branches.  It was seen loudly and clearly - EXPOSED - on top.

Here I am EXPOSED about to do a Polar Plunge on 1/1/11

Exposed in orange...

Running for warmth from the frigid Onset, MA waters.

Posing with friends in crazy hats before the plunge.